Author: Ann Baker

My kids are part of the trophy generation, where teachers and parents, armed with good intentions, showered kids with affirmations, accolades, prizes and yes, trophies. Thinking that this would boost self-esteem, it was going to be the panacea in mental health. High self-esteem equals less anxiety and depression, right? Hmmm, something doesn’t add up as we are seeing increased rates of teen anxiety, depression and suicide. (Photo credit:  Georgio Trovato)

The self-esteem movement combined with our American culture promotes a way of feeling good about ourselves through achievement, feeling special or at least above average. Think of getting a report card when they tried to do away with letter grades and gave kids a Satisfactory or meeting expectations. There was an outcry “ surely my child is above average!! We are used to scale ratings, grades from A “ F. We learn from a very early age this is how we determine our value so we feel very disoriented when we don’t have that rating scale. Children absorb the message: perform, get a perfect ACT, be on the most competitive sports team, and if you are in the arts, then get the lead, the first violin chair, and on and on. Getting into the best college has become such a source of stress for high school students, many are turning to alcohol and marijuana to cope. When do we, children and adults have room to just be?

Self-esteem researchers call this the Lake Wobegon effect, where all men are good looking and women are strong and children are above average. This need for self-esteem leads to blind spots depending on the culturally valued trait. These blind spots then lead to suppressed traits called the shadow by Carl Jung. When researchers asked Americans to rate themselves on their driving skills, they found 98% drivers think they are better than average. That can’t be true! In Japan, most people think they are more humble than average. We subtly find ways to be blind about who we are and not see others completely for who they are. Our culture is currently facing a narcissism epidemic; researchers have been tracking this for 25 years, and levels are now at the highest ever recorded. The Me Generation are kids told they were #1 and special so they formed self-images based on being better than everyone else. This leads to social comparison, which naturally leads to judgment and meanness; who is prettiest, smartest, etc. When my daughter was in middle school, girls actually rated other girls as they walked down the hallway. Popular girls are popular because they manage to control the rating system. Social media has become the ultimate tool in comparison with studiesshowing increased feeling of anxiety and depression correlating with time on social media. Bullying and prejudice both have deep roots in the need to feel better. I am better or my tribe (race, religion, political party) is better than yours. The ego then needs constant feeding and bolstering in order to survive. We feel deep down as if our very existence depends on self-esteem. Deflecting blame or responsibility is part of the protective bubble of high self-esteem.

Coupled with all of this is the feeling of disconnect and feeling separate. With all the competing and comparing we are doing, it is no wonder we feel isolated even when using the internet leads us to believe we are more connected than ever.

So, what to do about this? Teach yourself and your children self-compassion. Self-compassion is extending compassion to one’s self in instances of perceived inadequacy, failure, or general suffering. Expert Kristin Neff, PhD has defined self-compassion as being composed of three main components “ self-kindness, common humanity, and mindfulness. It is a healthy, non-judgmental way to feel good about yourself with no need for you to be anything other than just how you are. Please read Part 1 and Part 2 for more information. Self-compassion is love based, not ego based. We are all imperfect human beings who have the ability to bring unique gifts, talents, and passions to the community thus strengthening and uplifting the whole. We naturally feel more connected when we feel good enough about ourselves and there is no need to push others away. Self-compassion research shows that how kindly you relate to yourself was associated with being less angry, a stable sense of self-worth and no association with narcissism. We need to embrace the full range of human experience, the light and the dark, the supposed failures and successes, learn from it all and accept the inevitability of life living through you as you are.

A short exercise: See Yourself as You Are:

Choose traits that are valued for which you are average, above average and below average. Write them down as a list. See the full range. Can you see and sit with and allow those traits that are below average? Can you embrace those traits that are your strengths? Are there traits that you haven’t developed because they are not the cultural norm? Do you feel the relaxation in this?It is our common humanity that will unite us. When you open your heart to yourself, you will in kind open your heart to others. Be the change you wish to see in the world. As we love ourselves and children for simply being, we can change the world.

Allow

by Dana Faulds

There is no controlling life.

Try corralling a lightning bolt, containing a tornado.

Dam a stream and it will create a new channel.

Resist, and the tide will sweep you off your feet.

Allow, and grace will carry you to higher ground.

The only safety lies in letting it all in

the wild and the weak; fear, fantasies, failures and success.

When loss rips off the doors of the heart,

or sadness veils your vision with despair,

practice becomes simply bearing the truth.

In the choice to let go of your known way of being,

the whole world is revealed to your new eyes.

According to self-compassion expert, Kristen Neff, PhD, over 100 studies have been done showing the benefits of self-compassion.

Self compassion leads to:

• Emotional Resiliency: less anxiety, stress, depression, perfectionism, and greater coping skills.
• Increased Positive States: more optimism, life satisfaction, creativity, self-confidence, joy and happiness.
• More Motivation: more likely to pick themselves up and try again and keep on trying. Self-compassionate people are less risk-averse and more likely to learn and grow from mistakes. They set high standards but don’t beat themselves up when they don’t make the mark.
• Improved Health Behaviors: Self-compassionate people exercise more, quit smoking, practice safe sex, go to the doctor, and are more able to cope with chronic pain.

With all these benefits why isn’t self-compassion more prevalent?

• We think being kind to ourselves is being weak. Americans value strength! But think of the power behind leaders such as Martin Luther King, Nelson Mandela and Ghandi. Each of their missions were based in compassion.
• We confuse self-compassion with self-pity. However, self-compassion does not enhance the victim story as a pity party does, rather it acknowledges our shared humanity.
• We wonder if we are letting ourselves off the hook. It is important to take responsibility for our actions; own up to when we have let others and ourselves down. However, harsh self-criticism clouds our perception of ourselves and may lead to underperformance and a fear of trying something new or different.
• The biggest block is that we believe we need harsh criticism to motivate ourselves.

Self-criticism had a role in our evolution to keep us safe. When we make a mistake or experience rejection, we feel threatened and go into a fight, flight, or freeze response. Our imperfect self is seen as a threat to our existence so we respond harshly out of fear. Be honest “ we wouldn’t talk to a friend or child the way we talk to or about ourselves. We also internalize parental and societal voices that tend to favor the boot-camp mentality; no pain/ no gain, discipline, perfection, and competition. I think back to my son’s first competitive sports experience in the 4th grade. His coach screamed expletives, calling them sissies and worse. It broke my heart as I watched him develop a fear of failure and a loss of joy in playing basketball. He has overcome both but that coach’s voice I fear is in all of our heads. By contrast, my daughter’s kindergarten teacher’s response when someone made a mistake was: “Yay! You are human!” This approach is what the research supports. When we acknowledge our natural human shortcomings, our painful situations and feelings with love and compassion, the nervous system relaxes and we feel safe to keep trying or learn to try something different that may lead to even more fulfillment and satisfaction.

Here’s a short self-compassion practice to try (as often as necessary:). To calm the nervous system and give your bodymind a good dose of feel good neurochemicals try placing your hands on your heart or doing a self-hug with hands on opposite shoulders and take deep belly breaths.

1. Bring mindfulness to the fact you are suffering. Say to yourself, “this is really hard right now, I’m struggling.” Validate your feelings by gently labeling them – sadness, fear, shame, etc.
2. Remind yourself of the common humanity of struggle. Say to yourself, “this is part of life, this is normal, I’m not alone.” Don’t believe the story of “why do I have it so hard” or “why am I the only one who does this?”
3. Bring words of kindness to yourself. Say “I’m sorry this is so hard for you, I care, what can I do to help?” Use a warm tone and words. Allow yourself to feel able to cope.
4. Transform any moment of suffering by allowing it, not fighting against it. This is the alchemy of the heart.

More research and exercises at www.selfcompassion.org

I’ve been hearing the phrase “Radical Self-Care” recently among friends and in the media. As a professional promoter of self-care, I’ve been curious about this. Why radical? Do we need such a dramatic word to allow ourselves to care for ourselves? Is this a reflection of our culture where “simple self-care” just wouldn’t be attention-grabbing enough so we need a boot camp for it!? (yes, I did see this promotion!) It seems to be a current buzz word among wellness experts promoting everything from juice cleanses, to fitness regimens, taking a bath, or indulging in expensive spa treatments or chocolate or wine with girlfriends. (Many of these wellness blogs just happen to be selling products to help you in your self care.) I saw one post that had 25 recommendations for radical self-care that included: not rushing, remembering to breathe, but stimulate your brain with an interesting podcast on your commute drinking your non-caffeinated beverage and vegetable smoothie. Smell the perfect essential oil to lift your mood while figuring out how you are going to get everything done and squeeze in 30 minutes at the gym, cook a healthy meal, find time to meditate and drop into bed at 10pm for the perfect sleep. Exhausted yet from all your self-care? Has radical self-care become yet another thing on your to-do list and yet another thing to feel you are failing at?

I had an epiphany this summer that woke me up to the self-improvement project I have been on for most of my life. My health crisis of a few years ago just made me more resolved to find that perfect diet, supplement, yoga routine, etc. And then a mentor told me in order to find true peace and my true self, I needed to drop the self-improvement project. What?? I didn’t even know I had one!! Wow – truth feels like a punch in the gut and I definitely got punched in the gut. After sitting with this I owned up to the fact that my quest for wellness was, in addition to actually feeling better, also based on a general feeling of inadequacy, of not being_______enough (fill in the word – healthy, smart, thin, wise, creative, etc…..) So there I sat facing all those feelings I had been covering up with my quest for “self-care”. At that moment, I began the sometimes difficult process of relaxing into accepting myself where I am right now and basing my actions for self-care on a true love for myself. This approach is based on mindfulness and honesty. This might mean taking a nap instead of working out or watching a re-run of the Office and laughing with my son instead of meditating. On the other hand, it could also mean shutting off social media or the news and cooking the healthy meal I know I need. It means being in touch with yourself in the moment and listening, feeling and responding like a nurturing mother to a child. Sometimes a hug is in order and sometimes what’s best for the child isn’t that extra cookie he/she is crying for but a nap or a well-balanced meal.

In summary, I propose something even more radical than Radical Self-Care! It is revolutionary and it is self-acceptance and self-compassion. There are over 100 scientific studies showing the benefits of self-compassion. Self-compassion is treating yourself with the same love and care you would for a child, a friend, or a family member. Why exclude ourselves from this circle of love? But when I bring up the topic of a lack of self-love people groan, roll their eyes, ugh, they say, I can’t do that! But we can, it is a learned skill and one we already know – we just need to turn what you naturally give to others back on to yourself. I commit to exploring this further in a series.

For starters, here is a simple practice I use with my clients:

1. Take a few minutes to get quiet, slow your breathing and intend to find the silence underneath all the mental chatter.
2. To help, place your hands on your heart and breathe in and out of your heart – inhale to count of 4, exhale to a count of 6. This helps to turn on the relaxing nervous system and link our heart and brain.
3. Just notice what is there – what feeling is there? Scan your physical, mental, emotional, spiritual selves.
4. Ask – what do I need in this moment? You may be surprised by the answer.

I love my children who are really adults now and am thrilled to have them home this summer with one already out of the nest. However, my previously quiet house is now filled with the background noise of the Netflix series du jour, friends coming and going, a constantly dirty kitchen, never enough food in the frig, (Mom, there’s nothing to eat!) and the evidence every morning of late night snacks (which is why there’s nothing to eat!) I go for a walk in the neighborhood and am surrounded by loud mowers and blowers, or construction saws. And then there’s the news! Urgent action alerts multiple times a day as our country’s health care, environmental protections, education, and women’s health are under review for change.

One evening as I was doing dishes, I heard a whisper “ go to the beach, alone and do it soon. Actually, it was more of a command from my higher self than a gentle whisper. I found myself completely on board with this idea “ I had to make it happen!

Here’s what I learned:

• I don’t like to inconvenience others or ask for anything for myself. I did it anyway. Step #1 was to both ask a friend to stay at her beach house and then inform my family they were on their own for 3 days.
• Three days of quiet time by a beach felt like just a warm-up “ could have used a whole week.
• Time alone once every 15 years or so is not enough!
• I was happier and lighter not checking the news or social media.
• As I started to unwind, I found I moved slower and was actually more tired than I allow myself to be on a daily basis. I napped daily which I swore I couldn’t do.
• I spent every moment possible outside (I love screened in porches!). Nature is a salve, a balm, a healer.
• I definitely do too much for those who are capable of doing things for themselves.
• I could meditate for an hour a few times/day. Each meditation brought me deeper into a quiet I haven’t heard before and a feeling of a loving Presence that came from within.

We love time with our families and friends but time alone is essential to recharge, reset your nervous system, reconnect with your self, reclaim your sanity and your soul. I am blessed that I had the opportunity to have the experience I had. Even if you can’t get away, try to carve some time out in your schedule such as on a weekend morning. My sister-in-law woke up at 5 am when her kids were home for her me-time. Maybe you live alone but fill your silence with distractions. Really look at how you are spending your time. Big and little screens are addictive and take us away from our center. Do you really need to check your email, social media and the news as often as you do? Do you really need to watch as many TV shows?

The world, our families, our jobs will go on without us as we gather back into ourselves and gain a new perspective and refill that empty cup we try to pour from. We are uncomfortable with silence, with space, with just Being but that is where the magic happens, allowing Grace to move through and as each one of us.

The unexpected election results of this week may have you thrilled your guy is in the White House or reeling with disbelief because you expected Hillary Clinton to win. Either way, it has been a chaotic and stressful week with many changes in store in the coming months. My humble suggestion in the midst of this storm is to go inward and find your center.

My center is that place of calm and essence of being that no one can shake me from. My first experience of this was at the end of my first yoga class 25 years ago. I was working as a RN in the Neonatal Intensive Care Unit. Tiny, fragile lives depended on my focus and calm. The stress of maintaining that for 8 or 12 hours at time was getting to me. Somehow I found my way to a yoga class and the release I felt by moving my body in a mindful way through all the poses and then ending with savasana, a deep relaxation known as Corpse Pose was profound. I now practice Kundalini yoga every morning and meditate before starting my day. I haven’t stopped learning or searching for other methods.

Here’s what I have learned:

• Have a daily practice. Mornings are best to set your nervous system and mindset for the day.
• Start small; even 5 minutes of deep breathing before you rush off to start your day will help.
• The Zen Theory of Change involves simply noticing – what is taking you off center?
• Notice how your body feels in response to your experiences. Do you feel tightness and constriction or freedom and ease. Choose freedom and ease. Use this as a compass for making decisions that are true to you.
• Before reacting or believing a thought, always ask – Is it true? Check out Bryon Katie’s website: www.thework.com for more instructions on using four simple questions to keep you in reality and learn about yourself.
• Find your center through getting in touch with your body. If meditation sounds intimidating, simply sit or lay down and tune in to your body from head to toe. Where’s the tension, what is it trying to tell you?
• Focus on your senses as a way into mindfulness when you are driving, cooking, walking, taking a shower.
• Spend a few minutes breathing while focusing on your heart. Inhale to a count of 4 and exhale to a count of 6. Think of someone you love, fill your heart with gratitude. This puts your heart and nervous system in coherence which is extremely beneficial. Check out the Institute of Heart Math for more information. www.heartmath.com. Inner Balance is a product that has an app for a sensor to teach you to stay in coherence which keeps you in the rest and repair nervous system.
• Be very choosey about how you spend your time. Choose actions that align with your values.

Just as the body gets stronger with the stress of weight training, your spirit can also become stronger in times of change. Look for the opportunity for growth for you.

Staying physically active is hugely important as we get older. There are plenty of examples of athletes in their 80’s who still compete at weight lifting, marathons, and even the now famous Iron Nun, (thanks Nike) Sister Madonna Buder who just finished her 46th Triathlon and who didn’t start running until she was 47! However, the body is changing and its important to know how to stay active without overloading and getting injured.

I love to move and have been active my whole life whether it was running, cycling, yoga, dance, or walking. I feel like the same person, therefore I can still do what I did at 20, 30, 40. Right? Like running up a steep mountain trail or keeping up with the young yoga enthusiasts or perhaps even taking a Pound fitness class very close to a college campus that combines drumming with cardio and hundreds squats and plies! I humbly admit to all the above examples. I felt the tug in the hamstring but thought it was just sore and I would heal like I did with all my other intermittent sore muscles. So, I kept walking and riding my bike. I did consult with a PT but didn’t get the rest I needed. The pain didn’t go away and by the time I actually went to see a Sport’s Medicine doc, I had a small partial tear in the tendon. Ouch! Now I have time to write this blog.

So, how to prevent this situation?The safety margin of an exercise dose tends to decline with aging, according to Kallinen and Markku in their article, Aging, Physical Activity and Sports Injuries published in the Journal of Sports Medicine. The authors state that, The best ‘treatment’ for sports-related injuries is prevention. Good agility, technical skills, and cardiovascular and musculoskeletal fitness are important in injury prevention among the elderly. (or middle age).

 

Tips for Maintaining Fitness:

• Adjust your mindset! Accept the fact that you are getting older and treat yourself with care and compassion.
• Set goals but be realistic about your training plan.
• Warm up your muscles before jumping into an activity.
• Flexibility exercises are important to counteract the loss of flexibility as we age.
• Make sure your posture is in alignment by consulting with a physical therapist or DO. Donna Byrne, a licensed Physical Therapist and owner of Pilates Central has been specially trained by the Postural Restoration Institute and incorporates these exercises into all the Pilates classes taught at her studio. Hips that are out of alignment for example, can lead to all kinds of problems that I am experiencing first hand!
• Start slow with a new activity or even an old activity that you haven’t done in a while. Do half the usual time at first and then add 5-10 minutes the next time you do it.
• Incorporate the 3 basics of fitness in to your weekly routine: strength training, cardiovascular training and flexibility.
• Cross-train. Over-use injuries are common so mix up your routine but see above about starting slowly!
• For brain/body fitness, incorporate activities that include balance, coordination and reaction time. Yoga, dance, tennis are good examples of these activities.
• Use a foam roller to loosen up the connective tissue that tends to get less flexible with age. Maintain a healthy weight so you will have less wear and tear on your joints. Choose activities you enjoy. Nature and socializing are also good for your health. Exercise outside or with a friend or in a fun class to get twice your benefit and keep you motivated.
• Last but not least – Don’t ignore pain – that is a signal something is off!! Listen to your body and give it the rest or the care that is needed. Hopefully, you won’t need to learn the hard way!

I have been privileged to work with 8 people who are participating in my Pilot Project which combines my work as a health educator/coach with the new skills and tools I have been accumulating in my studies with Chicago healer, Kurt Hill, Martha Beck, Byron Katie, Tara Brach, Dr. Keith Holden, in addition to countless books on Jungian psychology and holistic and energy healing. Some will call this line of work Somatic Psychology or Energy Healing or Energy Psychology. Kurt Hill calls it Advanced Psychosomatic Character Therapy. It uses both ancient healing methods and very modern science in psychoneuroimmunology, mind body medicine, quantum physics and vibrational medicine.

What I have found is that profound healing is possible at any age and no matter how long you have been dealing with your “issues”. Your “issues are in your tissues” so accessing them in your body and releasing them in a very relaxed state leads to profound and what seems to be lasting shifts.

Comments from participants include:

• “I went from stuck to unstuck”.
• “Feelings of anxiety and negative thought patterns I have had for years are just gone”
• “I have recovered a sense of joy, more energy and a release of old patterns”.
• “I feel like I have a new pair of glasses on, I am seeing a whole new world.”
• “Ann creates space that allows the layers to emerge.”

These are powerful statements that show results in just 6 sessions. I have learned that everything is related: your habits, your memories, the pain in your back, the negative self-talk, the inertia, insomnia, hormones, the food you eat, and on an on. These are all clues to what is holding you back from feeling your best and functioning optimally. I have learned ways of accessing and uncovering unconscious material or blocks in the form of dreams, physical symptoms, daily irritants or stressors, mental symptoms and the chakra system. I have also learned skills for transforming and using them to heal wounds from the past making room for more energy for self-healing.

By recovering aspects of your Self that have gone into hiding, you align with your true authentic Self. That is at the heart of this process which feels like freedom in the mind body and spirit. Ready to find your wings? Stay tuned for some transformational stories next time.

There is difference between indulgence and overindulgence. Indulgence every once in a while is fine but too many people put on weight over the holidays that takes all year to take off, if it ever comes off. I recently went to a seminar on understanding the connection between the brain and some of our behavior around food given by Dr. William Kelley, a Professor of Psychological and Brain Science at Dartmouth College. Here’s what science tells us about why we often fail to stick to our health goals and how we can outsmart our biology to keep you on track during the holidays.

It is important to know yourself and your usual patterns. Are you the type to have a small piece of dark chocolate and you are satisfied? Or does one bite of ice cream mean you will finish the whole carton?Yes? Read on:

Brain Basics:

• Habits are an automatic response that the brain has figured out to improve our well being. Habits are learned and maintained based on reward.
• We have a Reward Center and a Control Center in our brain. The Reward center is considered bottom up because it tends to happen without our awareness. The Control center is a top down function meaning it doesn’t happen automatically and can amplify or dampen the reward center.
• Reward pathways are created through reinforcement involving a neurotransmitter called Dopamine. You eat a cookie or get a like on Facebook and dopamine is released lighting up the reward center. If you do this often enough and especially if there are emotions involved, a new habit is formed.
• The cookie or Facebook or a glass of wine or whatever lighting up your brain becomes a “Cue” “ meaning whenever you are exposed to the cue, your brain becomes very motivated to receive that reward. It lives for the moment without caring about long-term implications. Give it to me NOW!

Stress and the Control Center:

• You probably are already aware and have experienced what stress does to the Control Center “ it dampens it so it becomes a very soft voice when faced with that cookie. At the same time the Reward center amplifies so all you hear is COOKIE!
• This applies to any reward: Pick your Poison – smoking, heroin, facebook, video games, alcohol, etc.
• You are more likely to overeat when stressed if you are female, already overweight, sleep-deprived and on a diet.

Brain Science tips to avoid overindulging this holiday season:

• Avoid Cue exposure by not buying your trigger foods your higher self doesn’t want you to eat.
• Don’t allow even one taste of the forbidden food (or one drink, one cigarette, etc.)
• Amplify positive emotions through daily gratitude or doing a heart-centered meditation.
• Prioritize some daily stress management technique such as doing deep inhales and exhales throughout the day. Prioritize sleep over your to-do list, which may mean simplifying.
• Alternate alcoholic drinks with sparkling water.
• Don’t try a restrictive diet during the holidays, it will only backfire. Fill up on eating whole foods (fruits and veggies) which will turn off your appetite and limit your exposure to triggers whether it is sugar or salty/crunchy.

Is there a Magic Bullet that could help with all these factors that is just as effective as all of the above mentioned strategies? Yes! Mindfulness training has been shown to be very effective at regulating sleep, the stress response, overeating, smoking and drinking. Instead of trying to stop the emotions and craving, with mindfulness you learn to observe them and let them go. Yes, I really want to eat that. Yes, I am really annoyed right now. Hug your emotions and let them go, and watch yourself pass on the second helping of pumpkin pie. I am teaching an introductory course on Meditation that will cover some of the basics of Mindfulness. For more information please see the Meditation Course page under Services on my website.

Unfortunately, many women suffer from low sex drive. Most women will laugh nervously when out with their girlfriends when the talk turns to how mismatched their sexual desire is with the men in their lives. Having more sex will probably fall to the bottom of the list behind sleep, childcare duties or just reading for 10 minutes so you can go to book club actually having read some of the book! Most will admit to mercy sex when a woman agrees to have sex only to keep the peace or to make their husbands happy. Many women will report that they enjoyed the sex even though they didn’t feel up for it at first.

Will a new women’s libido pill, flibanserin, that a panel of experts recently recommended for FDA approval solve the waning of sexual desire among women? The New York Times reports that many committee members voted yes but had misgivings because of the low effectiveness of the drug in trials and its potential side effects. The trials show that women taking the drug had one more satisfying sexual event per month than women receiving a placebo. Side effects include fatigue, dizziness, fainting and nausea. The New York Times reported on June 14th that the drug company, Sprout Pharmaceuticals, recruited feminists and women’s groups to support the drug despite of its mediocre results and side effects. This has divided the women’s health community as some feel that this was inappropriate.

The medicalization of this issue is a potential problem, ignoring the complexity and potential to address the root cause. Here are some things to think about:Researchers are beginning to understand that the original model that places sexual desire first is flawed; meaning the hunger for it before arousal is not universal. It turns out that many people, especially women experience desire as emerging in response to arousal. Arouse first, desire follows. This is consistent with the frequent comments of women who state, I enjoyed myself although I really didn’t have any interest. Maybe women just aren’t turned on. This isn’t a disease. In fact, HSDD or Hypoactive Sexual Desire Disorder was removed from the American Psychiatric Association’s manual of Disorders in 2013.Dr. Sara Gottfried, the Harvard trained Ob-Gyn author of The Hormone Cure, states that studies show that hormone imbalance accounts for 70% of low sex drive/response. In addition, common prescription drugs such as anti-depressants and birth control pills can also rob women of their sex drive/response.Unresolved relationship issues or lack of communication leads to distance. Women need to feel connected first, where as men tend to want to connect through sex.Today’s women are stressed out, juggling multiple roles with women still doing the majority of work at home. Not in the mood = exhausted.Women put pleasure last. Women are conditioned to place other’s needs first. If sex is perceived as yet another thing on the to-do list for other people, she won’t prioritize it.I prefer solutions that get to the root cause rather than mask the issue with yet another pill “ a pink pill in this case.

When working with women who want to improve their sex lives, I use a whole person approach, exploring the five elements:

• Physical: Are there hormonal imbalances? Taking medications such as birth control pills or anti-depressants that can lower sex drive/response.
• Nutrition: Are food intolerances or lack of food quality leading to fatigue or generally not feeling well?
• Emotional: How much stress is in her life? Does she feel supported, loved, listened to? How does she feel about her body? Her relationship with her partner?
• Environmental: Is there a TV and/or laptop in the bedroom? How are home and child care responsibilities divided?
• Spiritual: How does she feel about herself? Is she able to fully give and receive love and pleasure? Does she have spiritual beliefs that inhibit her sexually?

Instead of medical treatment for something that is not a disease, women deserve a thoughtful approach that doesn’t judge them or give women yet another reason to feel less than. Before popping another pill for a complex issue, don’t you deserve a whole person approach and a sustainable solution?If you want to learn more about how you can feel better in your body, more energy, better mood and yes, increased sex drive, schedule a free 20 minute consultation today.Grab a girlfriend and join me for a fun, informative and experiential Hormone Harmony group on Tuesday evenings July 7th -July 28th. Go to the Hormone Balancing page on my website (http://www.essencehealth.net/#!page3/cee5) for more information and to sign up.

Have you heard the phrase I will catch up on my sleep when I am dead? Well, the ironic thing is if you consistently get less than 7 hours of sleep per night, you may get that chance to catch up on your sleep sooner than you thought! In fact, researchers at University of Chicago found that after 32 days of sleep deprivation, all the rats in their study were dead. Do I have your attention now??

Why Sleep is Important:

• Your body cleans out toxins and damaged cells, resets your immune system, and turns on the rest and repair hormones at night.
• The brain does its own clean up at night, reorganizing information, boosting memory and facilitates learning and brain growth.

Sleep Loss Leads to:

• Increased risk for obesity, diabetes, Alzheimer’s disease, cancer, cardiovascular disease and mood disorders.
• Decreased mental function including decision making, reaction time, memory, communication, situational awareness are decreased by 20-50%. That’s like taking a few days of vacation time per week as far as lost productivity goes.
• Increase in calorie intake by up to 500 calories/day.More wear and tear on your body.
• Decreased mental function.

How To Sleep Better

• Avoid or cut back on caffeine: Some people metabolize caffeine slowly so even a morning cup of coffee can affect your sleep. A good rule if you really can’t cut caffeine is: No coffee after noon.
• Limit alcohol: Yes, it helps some fall asleep but it interferes with your deep sleep and delays the REM cycle. It can also lead to a blood sugar dip, which can wake you up. Expose yourself to morning sunlight.
• Use the bedroom for sleep and sex only.
• Eliminate all screens from the bedroom.
• Set a screen curfew for 2 hours before you want to go to sleep. Download free software or an app called f.lux, which reduces the blue light of your screen. Some people wear amber colored glasses while watching TV or using the computer.
• Stick to a regular routine of going to bed at the same time every night.Unwind before you go to sleep.
• Write down whatever is on your mind whether it is a to do list or something bothering you.
• Better yet, write down 3 things you are grateful for. Studies have shown this improves sleep.
• Exercise during the day but not later than 2-3 hours before bedtime.
• Meditate, stretch, do yoga or just a total body relaxation before bed to rid the body of excess stress. Slow, deep belly breathing turns on your relaxing nervous system.
• Avoid liquids 2-3 hours before bedtime. Drink enough water during the day. (6-8 cups)
• Sleep in a quiet, completely dark, cool room (64-68 degrees).
• Use ear plugs or white noise machines and an eye mask if needed.

Detox

The word has a lot of different meanings depending on who’s talking. It could mean detoxing from a substance addiction, or a colonic cleanse or 3 day juice fast. In nursing school, we learned that the body does its own detoxification daily and without that process we would die.

While many health professionals are skeptical about the need for a detox, most would agree that eating a whole foods diet with plenty of fiber enhances the natural detoxification pathways of the body.Emerging research shows that nutrients play an integral role in the detoxification process and that nutrient dense diets that also address food intolerances assist the body’s natural detoxification system, help to balance hormones and decrease inflammation.

Why do we need to detox?

• We are exposed to thousands of chemicals in the food, air, water and personal care products we use. There are 4 billion pounds of toxic chemicals released into the environment every year.
• Our body’s detox systems are not functioning due to digestive issues and over-taxed detox organs due to an accumulating body burden.
• Much of the food we eat is low in nutrients and minerals, high in refined sugars and starches and void of adequate fiber. These foods can cause inflammation and are not adequate to enhance our body’s detox pathways.
• To reset our hormones. Coffee, sugar, alcohol and factory raised meats, pountry and dairy can wreak havoc on our hormones that set how we sleep, store fat, and respond to stress.
• To feel better! Most detox participants enjoy weight loss, improved energy, mood, less joint pain and allergy symptoms.
• To slow down and become mindful of what we are putting in our bodies, our thoughts and emotions.

Detox tips from the experts:

• Eat more garlic, onion and cruciferous vegetables
• Eat the rainbow in fruits and vegetables
• Eat more fiber
• Identify your food intolerances
• Balance your blood sugar
• Eat enough high quality protein

Essence Health is offering a 21 day online Spring Detox based on the latest research from the Institute of Functional Medicine beginning May 11. Choose from 4 different tracts; Standard, Weight Loss, Digestive Health or Autoimmune. Early Bird pricing until May 3rd. Please visit the detox page on my website at http://www.essencehealth.net/#!detox-/cc52

Did you ever wonder if you really were steering the ship of your life? I seemed to have stretches of time that what I felt, what I ate, how I slept, and even what I said was completely out of my control. All this started with adolescence and my first period when everything about me, and the world I was living in changed. It was like my ship was taken over by a rogue pirate!

After reading The Female Brain by Luann Brizendine, MD, about 8 years ago, it all made sense! Just as I suspected, hormones control everything from our sleep patterns, appetite, energy levels, who we fall in love with and how we feel about ourselves. This started a personal and professional interest in hormones. I was determined to throw Jack Sparrow overboard and get a handle on mine.

It wasn’t until after I read The Hormone Cure by Harvard trained OB-GYN Dr. Sara Gottfried and then was trained in her protocols that I feel I have control over my hormones. Due to my age, I should be in the midst of complete Hormone Havoc and am happy to report I am sleeping through most nights and my moods are stable. Life is good! This information made such a difference in my life; I want to share some basics of the most common hormonal imbalances and how to control the Queen of all hormones. This will give you more energy, may lead to weight loss and to better moods. This approach starts with lifestyle changes first, and hormone replacement as a last resort.

The major hormones of the body work closely together. This means that if one is off, it can reduce or block the production of another essential hormone. The most common scenario is that the stress hormone, cortisol (the Queen) is often high in busy women. High cortisol can interfere with thyroid hormone, which controls your metabolism, and progesterone that helps to calm the female brain and prevent PMS. This leads to weight gain and cranky moods. Sound familiar?

Balancing hormones is complicated and it is important to try to uncover the root cause. Is it too much stress, could it be an underactive thyroid? Perhaps it is both. If it is due to prolonged stress leading to high cortisol, which slows down your thyroid, then addressing the stress and cortisol seem to be a logical first step to restoring your thyroid function.

Everyone is unique with different hormonal imbalances but there are some lifestyle changes you can make today to help keep or put your hormones in balance.

• Start your day with enough protein and fat
• Eat enough fiber to help estrogen balance “ 35-45 gms.
• Limit screen time after 8pm
• Get enough Omega 3 fatty acids
• Change your perception of stressful events “ ask yourself, is it true?
• Take deep belly breaths throughout the day.
• Limit sugar intake (including alcohol)
• Don’t over exercise. Walk, do yoga, lift some weight and sprint a few times/week.
• Treat yourself to high quality dark chocolate (check the sugar content!)It takes at least 21 days to make a new habit effortless so pick one thing and commit to it and then when that’s easy, try something else.

Once you start feeling better, you will be more energized and committed to make more changes. You are worth it!!If you are interested in finding solutions to your hormonal imbalances within a whole health framework, please check out the Hormone Balancing page of my website.